Friday, October 30, 2009

Halloween Week Guest Blog & Giveaway Day 5: P.N. Elrod

UPDATE: The winner of a book of their choce by P.N. Elrod is Pam P! Congrats! Please send your physical addy to contests(AT), along with your book request.
A note from TKA: Today is the final day for our special Halloween week guest blogs and contests. We hope you've enjoyed interacting with these amazing authors! At the bottom of this post you'll find the last question for the scavenger hunt and instructions on how to send in you entry for the $50 Visa gift card! Also, don't forget to leave a comment in this post for a chance to win one of P.N. Elrod's fabulous books!

Once again through the magic of time travel, writer P.N. Elrod finds herself back in 1938 Chicago. She’s charged into Lady Crymsyn, the nightclub belonging to undead P.I. Jack Fleming of The Vampire Files.

Elrod rushes upstairs to energetically pound on his office door.

P.N. Elrod: Yo, Fleming!
Jack Fleming: (From inside) You again? Take a vacation why don’t you?
Elrod: Wake up!
Fleming: I don’t sleep, remember?
Elrod: Yeah, I remember, I made that up just for you. You’re dead during the day, but it’s night, so get your ass out here!
Fleming: You’re a real peach, y’know that?
Elrod: Move it!
Fleming: (Unlocking and opening the door a crack, looking rumpled) WHAT is your problem?
Elrod: It’s the night before Halloween.
Fleming: You know how a calendar works. I’m happy for you, now go away.
Elrod: Any more lip and I’ll sic Whitey Kroun on you.
Fleming: (Pinching the bridge of his nose) Jeeze, I need a drink.
Elrod: You don’t have time to go to the Stockyards. It’s Halloween tomorrow.
Fleming: You’ve covered that point and your timing’s off. It may be Halloween tomorrow for you, but not for me.
Elrod: Huh?
Fleming: In 1938 Halloween falls on a Monday. I bet in 2009 it falls on a Saturday.
Elrod: Details, details, you drive me crazy.
Fleming: That makes us even, now why don’t you go back to the future?
Elrod: I love that movie.
Fleming: What movie?
Elrod: You’ll find out. Maybe.
Fleming: See you there, then. Maybe. (Tries to shut the door. Elrod won’t let him.)
Elrod: Don’t you get it? It’s gonna be Halloween! You’re a vampire—you need to do something! I’ve been down to the main room of your nightclub and you’ve not even decorated.
Fleming: It’s Halloween, not Christmas, and I will once again point out that this is 1938. We celebrate one holiday at a time, no planning six months in advance for the mercantile element.
Elrod: I GET that, but you’ve not got anythin—
Fleming: I’ve ordered plenty of candy and someone’s coming in tomorrow to put jack-o-lanterns on the tables. Satisfi—no, don’t answer that, I should know better than to ask.
Elrod: That’s it? No black and orange streamers or tablecloths? No cut-outs of black cats and—
Fleming: The club’s name is “Lady Crymsyn,” there’s a lot of red here. My girlfriend told me the colors would clash or something. Anyway, we’re having a costume party. So long as there’s booze flowing no one’s going to care—
Elrod: (Barging past him and into the office.) Terrific! Where’s your costume?
Fleming: I’m wearing a monkey suit.
Elrod: (Halting in shock) You’re going as a gorilla?
Fleming: It’s my tuxedo. Jeeze, look it up in your slang dictionary.
Elrod: Hey, a tux is great! Outstanding! Where’s the cape? Or is it a cloak?
Fleming: If you’re talking about an opera cape, the answer is a flat NO. I wouldn’t be caught undead in one of those things and you know it. We established that in the first book.
Elrod: Yeah, yeah, but you dressed up like Dracula? It’s a natural—I mean, a supernatural!
Fleming: (groans) Lady, are you out of your mind? I am NOT going as Dracula. I’m trying to keep a low profile. There’s enough people who know I’m a vampire, I don’t need to be flaunting it!
Elrod: In my time it’s called “plausible deniability” and it’s great. A vampire would never dress up like another vampire, but you being a vampire dressing like a vampire, means no one would ever suspect that you’re really a vampire. Right?
Fleming: Uh…
(Fleming’s partner, private agent Charles Escott, walks in.)

Charles Escott: Why, Ms. Elrod, I thought I heard your voice. What an utter delight to see you again! (Bows to kiss the back of her hand.)
Elrod: Ohhh, Mr. Escott! Likewise, I’m sure.
Escott: Now-now, I insist you call me Charles.
Elrod: Sure! My goodness—you look outstanding!
Escott: You’re most kind. It’s my new tuxedo. I wore it over from the tailor shop.
Elrod: You look better than outstanding! And that opera cape…is that real red silk lining?
Escott: You’ve an excellent eye. Indeed it is.
Elrod: Not that it isn’t totally awesome, but are you dressed up to be Dracula?
Escott: I thought I would spare Jack the discomfiture. The truth be told, he’s still a bit awkward about the whole vampire business. Self-conscious, you know.
Fleming: I am not!
Elrod: Y’know, you are exactly right. He’s had a heck of a long breaking-in period.
Escott: Exceptionally long. What is it, twenty years now?
Elrod: In writing time. In book time it’s only been about two years, but you’ve nailed it. He should have the hang of things by now. I can’t think what his problem is.
Escott: Perhaps—
Fleming: HEY!! I’m right here!
Elrod: Okay-okay, not so loud, fang-boy! So, if you’re not going as Dracula, then who are you going to be on Halloween?
Fleming: I got a half-mask at the dime store. I’m going as Raffles, the master thief.
Elrod: (Deadpan flat) Raffles. You’re going as…Raffles.
Fleming: You got a problem with that?
Elrod: Raffles is English and you can’t do an English accent to save your un-life. Charles should go as Raffles and you should go as Dracula.
Escott: I’d not thought of that! She has a point, Jack.
Fleming: This dame’s got more points than Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and she’s about as welcome.
Elrod: And after all I’ve done for you.
Fleming: You mean all you’ve done to me! (Digging in his pants pocket) Charles, here’s twenty bucks—take her over to Gordy’s night club and show her around. Let her play the slots. Introduce her to Frank Nitti.
Escott: To Frank Nitti!? Are you mad? I’ll do no such thing!
Elrod: (Grabbing Escott’s arm) Oh, hell-yes, you will! Time’s a-wastin’, big boy, come on. We’re gonna have a blast!
Escott: Er—that sounds rather violent, don’t you think?
Elrod: The way I do it doesn’t hurt a bit!
(They rush downstairs and out, leaving the club. Jack’s girlfriend, Bobbi Smythe, crawls out from under the desk.)

Fleming: You okay, honey?
Bobbi: I’m fine. I hope Pat doesn’t put Charles in traction.
Fleming: If she does, it’ll be his own fault. He encourages her.
Bobbi: Can you blame him? Without her we’re all out of a job. You should be nicer.
Fleming: After all the crap she puts me through? You haven’t seen the half of it. You didn’t have to hide. She’d have left.
Bobbi: I didn’t want to embarrass her. I’m not exactly dressed for company.
Fleming: You’re not exactly dressed, period.
Bobbi: Like the lady said, ‘time’s a-wastin’, big boy.’
Fleming: So what d’you want, sweetheart, trick. . .or treat?
Bobbi: Treat, always treat!
(The lights go out.)

P.N. Elrod's Website:

HALLOWEEN WEEK CONTESTS: Each day this week (Oct. 26 thru Oct. 30th) a guest blogger has given away a signed book to one person randomly chosen from the comment section. Today's prize is a book of YOUR CHOICE from P.N. Elrod (P.N. has a wide array of titles available, so you'll most likely get your pick. However, please note your final choice will be based on what she has in stock.). Check back in this post Monday morning to find out if you are the winner!

SCAVENGER HUNT QUESTION (5 of 5 - FINAL QUESTION): What is the name of the actor P.N. considers her ideal pick to play character Jack Fleming in a movie?

So, it's the final day for our scavenger hunt! Have you been collecting the answers from our guest blogger's official author websites? If not, make haste! There's a $50 Visa gift card at stake! Compile the questions from the posts this week, and send all 5 answers in an email to contests(AT) Entries must be sent in before the clock strikes midnight on Sunday, November 1st. So get to it! A winner will be randomly drawn on Monday and announced here on the blog. If you have any questions, please email contests(AT)

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Blogger Zita said...

That was a great post, Pat. Loved it!

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 9:35:00 AM EDT  
OpenID psistriker said...

2nd commenter, I'll take it! That's was a total riot, Pat. :)

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 9:39:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Stacy McKitrick said...

Very enjoyable. Never read any of your books, yet. Might have to check them out!

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 9:53:00 AM EDT  
OpenID bostonsandboxers said...

Always LOVE Pat's interviews with Jack! She's crazy creative, with a great sense of humor ;)
One of my all time favs (author) I proudly boast the entire Vampire Files series, minus Dark Road Rising, which I hope to get for Christmas...GREAT stuff!
Thanks for featuring her! For any of your readers that haven't had the pleasure, do yourself a favor and pick up one of her won't be sorry!

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 10:09:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Rain Maiden said...

I have yet to devour P.N.Elrod's books. They sound like you can't put them down. Have a great weekend everyone.

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 10:34:00 AM EDT  
Blogger elnice said...

OK, so I have been living under a rock. While I hear you name frequently, I have never read any of your stories. After this great post, I am adding you to my list.

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 10:42:00 AM EDT  
Blogger traveler said...

What a great post. Thanks for introducing me to these books and I will look for them now.

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 10:43:00 AM EDT  
Blogger LSUReader said...

Loved the time travel visit--what a kick!

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 10:44:00 AM EDT  
Blogger ddurance said...

I haven't read any of P.N. Elrod's book, though I think of read some short stories.
I have been interested in the Vampire Files series, but have yet to get my hands on #1 and I must start at the beginning. lol


Friday, October 30, 2009 at 10:50:00 AM EDT  
Blogger RKCharron said...

Hi :)
What a special treat!
Thank you P.N.!
It was like reading a mini Jack Fleming story. Soooo good.
To all previous & post commentors, the Jack Fleming books are terrific reads, and P.N. Elrod is on Twitter!
She's @P_N_Elrod - although she isn't on there very often :(
Thanks again for sharing P.N.
All the best,
PS - Fleming shouldn't mention Buffy.

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 11:40:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Gwinna said...

I love the Vampire Files, I've read all but the last one (which is on my xmas wish list). Thanks for keeping up with them!

Think we'll ever see another Jonathan Barrett novel? :)

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 11:49:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Meg said...

That was unspeakably funny. I love how flustered Jack gets, you can so clearly imagine him standing there as he tries to gather his words, hands thrust into his pockets. I love those characters so much. Great job, Pat!

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 12:32:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Renee B. said...

Wonderful post! Thanks, Ms. Elrod! Raffles, hee hee! :)

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 12:36:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Sue (okibi_insanity) said...

That was a funny post. Definitely wonderful. I love Vampire Files! I cant wait to read more of your books.


Friday, October 30, 2009 at 12:38:00 PM EDT  
Blogger CarolynPrescott said...

That was great! I'll definitely be on the lookout for your books!

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 1:29:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Suzette said...

How have I never heard of you? Hmm, will have to remedy that.

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 1:59:00 PM EDT  
OpenID metalmyersjason said...

Loved it!

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 2:06:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Julie said...

Hee, that was awesome.

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 2:28:00 PM EDT  
Blogger tetewa said...

Enjoyed the post today, this would be a new author for me!

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 3:53:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Carmiel said...

LOL That was great. However, I do agree that he gets put through the wringer on a regular basis. Keep up the good work Ms. Elrod!

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 5:28:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Alara said...

*snickers and starts out right laughing* That was one of the best things I've read in a while.

- aetas_lupus from LJ ^_~ Now you don't have to get confused lol

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 6:35:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Tori Lennox said...

That was fabulous, Pat!!!!!

I'm thinking it's time for a Jack Fleming re-read....

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 7:17:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Chelsea B. said...

Awesome post! :)

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 8:38:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Linda Henderson said...

Enjoyed the post. Would love to win your book.

Friday, October 30, 2009 at 11:59:00 PM EDT  
Blogger donnas said...

Great post. I just got and started the first 3 books in the series and so far I am loving them. Thanks!!

Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 12:18:00 AM EDT  
Blogger spiffikins said...

awesome post!

Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 12:19:00 AM EDT  
Blogger BrigidsBlest said...

I've always loved the Fleming books. Sign me up!

Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 12:53:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Animikean said...

Buffy? You've introduced him to Buffy?
I'm just going to say, it was very sweet of you Pat to allow Jack and Bobbi to think they got one over on you. It would break my brain in order to figure out how a character could do something (like hide underclothed under a table) in the book the author has written without the author knowing it.
But hey, Jack's not used to this whole 4th wall stuff yet.

Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 5:01:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Emily C. said...

Great post, Pat!

Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 11:24:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Pam P said...

Fun post, think I'm going to read some more about Jack now. Happy Halloween!

Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 6:34:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Amy said...

I have to admit that while I had collected a couple of your books along the way (having gone through some SERIOUS vamp fiction spells), I hadn't read any until my son insisted that I do. He's a fan! Since then, I've been pleased to order him a couple of autographed books, and he has *borrowed* a couple of the anthologies from my shelves. Someday, I might get them back... Happy Halloween and Blessed Samhain!

Saturday, October 31, 2009 at 10:24:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Cats Meow said...

Happy Halloween. What a hoot that post was. I will have to check out P.N.s books. I have heard a lot of great things.

Sunday, November 1, 2009 at 1:49:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Razlover's Book Blog said...

Great post and I love the cover!

I've heard great reviews of this series and thanks for a chance to win a book!

Sunday, November 1, 2009 at 2:51:00 AM EST  
Blogger Pam P said...

Thanks, Pat and TKA!

Monday, November 2, 2009 at 2:32:00 PM EST  

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